I know – this is the WRONG news day to post this. For those reading along who have been deeply touched by the tragedies in the news, the health care shemozle, the Maine loss, I know this is the wrong day to ask this question.
Nevertheless, for myself I do ask, on a personal internal level I ask. What if nothing is wrong? What if, in my own situation, things are unfolding just fine?
This is the main takeaway from therapy today. Not that I didn’t talk about some specific ways to deal with certain situations in my life, and not that I didn’t worry out loud about what it means that I appear to be afraid to jump onto the divorce wagon RIGHT NOW. But my therapist was pointing out that happiness comes from many directions and chiefly arises in the moment. And if in any given moment I can give up my notion of “THIS has to happen for me to be happy” then I can be open to happiness arriving from just about anywhere.
Again, I say this with total respect for the depth of the pain many are suffering tonight. And I want to emphasize that I’m asking the question of myself regarding my own very specific life changes. Where the question may apply to any other person, I cannot say.
In fact, this is one area of embryonic insight – if I am looking into another’s soul and and all I can see is their pain, and if that is what attracts me, then I need to take another look. Or I need to look elsewhere. We all have our pain, we all have our quirks, and we all reach out to one another (or our dogs, or our therapists) to find peace and solutions. But if I am holding on to any relationship or situation because I believe I am responsible to heal any pain I see in it, then I am holding on for a reason that does not serve me.
This is kind of hard for me to articulate, but I am asking myself to shift where I look when I look at a person or a situation. I am asking myself to be aware of the totality of the situation, and of the whole person. I am asking myself to leave off that nagging sense of responsibility to fix the pain, and instead take responsibility for what will reflect my highest and best interests. Sometimes what I’ve called intimacy or closeness is really getting hooked into another’s weakness, believing I need to heal it.
But I have my own work to do, on myself, and so I ask, again – what if nothing is wrong?
Nothin’ wrong with that.