In recent weeks, my outward life has altered so much that I have had difficulty keeping up with myself, with my schedule.
This is a huge change from the past three years, where I really ran my own schedule and had regular blocks of time to re-charge in my own way.
While I haven’t gone completely back to the way I used to live (where I reached for outward success and ignored inner peace and inner truth), I can feel the pull.
I have responded by more or less crashing on the one day a week I allow myself to rest fully.
But I am looking around at my space, and feeling extremely fortunate to have it, and I am realizing that my sanctuary is the little world in and around me that is just for me. I’m realizing that although I have spent massive amounts of time decluttering (hence the blog title, Making Space) in order to make room for my new life, my new way of being, I have let clutter back in.
Physical clutter means emotional clutter – at least for me. I don’t know if this is true for anyone else, so I’m not saying it to tell anyone else how to live. But it is a reflection of an emotional state for me.
And since right now I’m working at home less, and working out of the home more, I keep thinking I “must” or “should” feel grateful for the opportunity to make such good money the next few months, and I “should” pitch in there whenever I am asked for more work, and I “need” to look at my future as possibly including even more of this!
When really, backing off and making sanctuary my first priority, as I have done the past three years, is what I actually WANT. I want my inner world, my outer living space (again, I am so fortunate to have this living space), and my chosen (CHOSEN!) activities to reflect my true values. Right now they look like they are a bit too cluttered with things brought in from, or affected by, external (and internal) demands rather than my own truth.
So – here I go again, making space for the life that is to come. Because along with the changes in the past few weeks, I have had some news about a direction I wanted to take – I thought I had found a simple process forward, but it turns out that there is no way to go forward, that I can discover right now, that won’t require me to stop working entirely for a year in order to really make it happen. And that’s not something I have any desire to do – and if I did, I wouldn’t have money to fulfill the year-off requirement.
So again, I’m back to my naked dreams, and my desire for inner sanctuary, and, most of all, back to making space.
8 comments
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February 10, 2013 at 9:16 am
liz
that inner sanctuary, as you say, is so very important to me. i wish you much peace and time to reflect and organize the clutter in your soul & in your physical space. from that inner space, i believe, the way forward will make itself clear.
xo
February 10, 2013 at 10:02 am
MakingSpace
Thank you – and I agree.
February 10, 2013 at 2:01 pm
pam
Sometimes we have to stop and ask ‘what is this outer manifestation all about’ and then listen to our hearts. After much soul searching (and we need to do this) I am more accepting of myself these days – the most important thing of all is to be kind to ourselves.
So often we concentrate on the reflection we get of ourselves back from others – I believe the right path is where that reflection is shiny and affirming – and often our inner sanctuary is just the peace to dwell on those lovely people and circumstances. Sometimes I’ve looked at myself from a place of others ‘constructive criticism’ but this can come from a place of their own self interest or gain. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Our heart however is always true – in both grieving and joy,it gives us strength, as does the food we eat and the way we eat it. We feel better when we honour our heart, our food and the very source and pure origin of things.
Getting to the heart of the matter, the heart of things, ‘follow your heart’ – I think we reside there and should strive to make it our sanctuary – even if it means forgiving ourselves and others. Like Liz, I believe the way forward will make itself clear.
February 18, 2013 at 9:03 am
MakingSpace
Pam, this is so insightful – I have spent much of my life looking at the negative feedback and trying to adjust, and dismissing the positive feedback. And this is true of both internal and external feedback. Feeling sanctuary does seem to involve trusting, and following, the heart. Thank you so much for this.
February 10, 2013 at 2:11 pm
Lexie C
Sanctuary is such a huge (and important!) concept- and I love how “making space” just captures that.
This may be completely disconnected but I was (re)reading this tonight and thought of you and what you’ve said here. It’s a free ebook to download. It may be something you’d find helpful, maybe not. not sure, but when things pop in my head, I act on them so that I don’t misuse opportunity.
http://liberatedlifeproject.com/9-keys-to-liberation/
February 18, 2013 at 9:05 am
MakingSpace
Thank you Lexie, I just downloaded it and I look forward to reading it!
February 11, 2013 at 9:09 am
sublimefemme
Your post reminds me of a quote from the Dalai Lama: “Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.” You’re an inspiration–thank you for sharing!
February 18, 2013 at 9:06 am
MakingSpace
Oh that is gooooooood. Thank you so much for that quote. That goes so deep I don’t know how to articulate it – thank goodness for the Dalai Lama.