I’ve been pondering this post in my head all day.
It seems sort of passive to start off with “being treated better” as today’s thing. Like I’m going to either wait for or try to force others to treat me better or something. It kind of looks like I’m depending on others’ behavior toward me to determine my state of mind.
That’s not really what I’m getting at though. I’m aiming more at being open to being treated well. It’s like an internal “yes” to the notion/belief/idea/thought that being treated well is something I get to look for, be open to, observe, experience, not be totally surprised by…
Part of this is about treating myself well. And that involves accepting even the parts of me that are currently troubling me. Right now there’s one thing about myself that I wish I could just erase. It’s a psychological trick I play on myself a lot, and it’s hard to describe, but that involves reading the worst into ordinary situations. So this yes to being treated better involves reading the best into ordinary situations, or even reading the ordinary into ordinary situations.
At the same time, it involves a bit of sitting back and watching how folks treat me, and staying calm (hahahahahahaha) as I determine how to respond. It’s like I’m giving myself a “yes” to taking a few breaths or a few days to get clear on how to respond, when I’m not sure.
There’s more. Sometimes I read the worst into situations that are just fine, or at least appropriate to the larger life experience in which the participants find ourselves. So in those cases I’m saying “yes” to just letting it be.
I’m saying yes to an open heart. I’m saying yes to seeing and accepting being treated well. And I’m saying yes to… (insert something interesting here…)
(Ahem. Regular readers may see irony in the juxtaposition of this post with the previous one. So give me a better band and song. I’m open. Hehehehe)
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January 25, 2012 at 8:48 am
8thday
I love what you’ve written here, but I can’t help but feel it’s easier said than done.
I was just reading somewhere that when something is about to trigger a negative emotion that you should count to 90. A minute a half is what it supposedly takes to reset the brain before it goes off on an emotional tangent. I’m going to give it a try.
January 25, 2012 at 10:27 am
makingspace1
I like the idea of counting to 90. Haven’t thought of a specific tool like that, and I think it will prove useful.
Keep in mind that in my case, I’m overcoming habits of negative self-talk, which are a bit different than PTSD triggers. I suspect I’d be walking a bit more gingerly into this particular “yes” if I were dealing with the possibility of PTSD triggers on a regular basis.
Congrats, by the way, on your getting out and about, sending love and light to you and yours.
January 25, 2012 at 12:20 pm
natasiarose
So many women let everyone walk all over them. It’s a great goal, not passive at all.
January 26, 2012 at 11:59 am
makingspace1
True, expecting and looking for good treatment is active.
I wonder about whether women let people walk all over us, or whether we’re just doing what needs to be done. One way or another the children have to get fed, one way or another the rent has to get paid… that sort of thing.
So for me this has to do with looking around for positive ways to have those basic life needs happen, and looking around for positive people to join in with my own efforts.
I’m also figuring out that if I’m paying attention to my own needs I am more likely to simply pass by that person or that situation that simply doesn’t suit me.
January 25, 2012 at 1:17 pm
pam
I found this very interesting and ponderable. It has determined my response to some social engagements. It makes it easier if, when deciding to accept an invitation, we take into account if we are treated well at such events. It will make a change for me to be the “treatee” instead of the always- willing anxious to please “treatER”. I’ve become a little tired of that role, and think I will lean more towards your thoughts, and my husband would agree with you entirely (rejoicing!!).
I think part of treating myself well, as you’ve mentioned, is not to do things out of a sense of social obligation where time is spent with people neither he or I actually like!
January 26, 2012 at 12:01 pm
makingspace1
That sounds lovely, truly lovely. I have had this experience in the world of music – giving a lot to others through teaching and working with folks in situations where it became difficult to give. And then not too long ago I got into a situation where I got to do my own show, and I felt positively pampered by the experience. So now I’m looking for more and more of that, and less and less of the situations where it seems like it should be play but it’s really work.
Here’s to being pampered and treated well!
January 25, 2012 at 1:24 pm
pam
Is this actually the opposite of “just letting it be” I wonder? – the sitting back and observing? I have sat back and observed and have decided to make a stand, and yes, bravo to that! You get the feeling, don’t you that life’s too short to tolerate that which we don’t have to.
January 26, 2012 at 12:02 pm
makingspace1
I wonder if the two go hand in hand – sitting back and letting things be might very well result in just naturally letting go of things that no longer serve us. It might also allow us the psychic space to attract folks into our lives who do treat us well.
So – woah – heavy question – good one!