This here is by way of being a small update on my previous post. I feel fortunate in having very little to recount. No further public spottings of the parental unit in question.
Also, while I didn’t get a chance yet to go to the domestic violence advocacy place (I’ll go once the kiddoes are back in school and I don’t have them with me 24/7), I did have a helpful conversation. I got some advice from a friend who has had to cut off ties with family, even going so far as to make a last name change so as not to be found; and who has had other situations where keeping distance was the best road to safety. This friend advised that in situations where you meet up in public (either by accident or by the other person’s design), you simply and firmly say “No Contact” and move along. You don’t engage in any conversation or any response you might get.
The thing I’ve realized is that as long as I have a strategy to deal with the situations, I feel safe, and then I can go back to feeling those open/soft/trusting feelings. So I really appreciate my friend providing a listening ear and solid advice gained from hard experience. I am learning that a lot of folks have gone through similar (or much much worse) things when coming out, and I am learning that talking to folks who have been through it often gives very practical advice as well as support.
I want to say also how much I appreciate the comments here on the blog. I can’t really express what it means to be able to say what happened and how it felt, and have so many folks chime in with encouragement.
Not wanting to end on a terribly somber note, when today has provided the kind of spectacular weather that almost breaks your heart, I will close by saying that my red cowgrrrl boots and I thank y’all kindly!!
12 comments
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January 7, 2012 at 5:45 am
froggy
Glad you have resources
January 7, 2012 at 6:17 am
makingspace1
It makes things so much better.
January 7, 2012 at 6:03 am
Zanna
Very glad you are getting the advice and encouragement you need. Because you rock, and so do your cowgrrl boots!
January 7, 2012 at 6:17 am
makingspace1
I’m glad too, and thank ya kindly!
January 7, 2012 at 1:24 pm
Aeria
Having a plan, advice and support makes a big difference. I’m glad you are feeling a bit safer and stronger!
Cute boots, ma’am
January 8, 2012 at 6:09 am
makingspace1
It does make a huge difference, because I have a way to reassure myself that I’m safe.
The boots were rockin’ – I borrowed them for a country-themed concert for the choir I conducted last summer.
January 7, 2012 at 9:00 pm
Em@35JupiterDrive
Sounds like good advice.
I, too, had to cut contact with a parent. It made my life much better. I changed my name, too, to make myself harder to find. And I moved a lot. Which had good and bad points.
I’m glad you’re hanging in there. Take good care of you.
January 8, 2012 at 6:10 am
makingspace1
Yes, my life is much better having cut off contact. It just takes that buzz of fear out of my brain. I changed my name back to my birth name, but I would be difficult NOT to find since the work I do puts me in the public eye. So I just know what to do in the event I’m spotted in public now.
I will take good care of me, thank you.
January 8, 2012 at 8:46 pm
Minnesota Fats
I love you, sister-o-mine, with all my heart.
January 8, 2012 at 9:13 pm
makingspace1
Love you too, bro.
January 9, 2012 at 3:42 pm
pam
Wow. Have just read your previous post, had a bit of catching up to do. Someone with mental health issues was making my life tough a few years back, and the physical reaction was as you’ve mentioned when I had a similar supermarket encounter. I considered asking the storemen out the back if I could escape unseen through the delivery section!
To cut a long story short, your support systems are there to protect you,as are your gut reactions.
A tribunal eventually sorted out my problems and I will be forever grateful to the authorities who took things in hand for me.
I’ve always known that keeping distance is the best road to safety, but these unexpected encounters can really throw you. Good idea to keep the explicit and succinct “no contact” .
I am so sorry this happened to you and wish you strength, comfort, and continuing resilience. You have every right to feel safe – oh and great boots by the way!!
January 12, 2012 at 9:54 am
makingspace1
Hi Pam, I, too, have fallen far behind in my blog reading the last two weeks – my Google Reader scares me a bit! LOL
I thank you for your comments and for sharing your own story. I agree that there is such a feeling of safety in having established no contact. It’s difficult to describe how far that feeling reaches – even into my head, when I hear voices that I know come from my history with this person – I can issue a mental no contact there and I can trust that I’m safe, even inside myself.
Thanks for the compliments for the boots – they were originally used in a local production of Annie Get Your Gun – the performer had red hair, and the red boots were a perfect complement. I was honored to wear them for a performance of country music a few years later.