I know – this is the WRONG news day to post this. For those reading along who have been deeply touched by the tragedies in the news, the health care shemozle, the Maine loss, I know this is the wrong day to ask this question.
Nevertheless, for myself I do ask, on a personal internal level I ask. What if nothing is wrong? What if, in my own situation, things are unfolding just fine?
This is the main takeaway from therapy today. Not that I didn’t talk about some specific ways to deal with certain situations in my life, and not that I didn’t worry out loud about what it means that I appear to be afraid to jump onto the divorce wagon RIGHT NOW. But my therapist was pointing out that happiness comes from many directions and chiefly arises in the moment. And if in any given moment I can give up my notion of “THIS has to happen for me to be happy” then I can be open to happiness arriving from just about anywhere.
Again, I say this with total respect for the depth of the pain many are suffering tonight. And I want to emphasize that I’m asking the question of myself regarding my own very specific life changes. Where the question may apply to any other person, I cannot say.
In fact, this is one area of embryonic insight – if I am looking into another’s soul and and all I can see is their pain, and if that is what attracts me, then I need to take another look. Or I need to look elsewhere. We all have our pain, we all have our quirks, and we all reach out to one another (or our dogs, or our therapists) to find peace and solutions. But if I am holding on to any relationship or situation because I believe I am responsible to heal any pain I see in it, then I am holding on for a reason that does not serve me.
This is kind of hard for me to articulate, but I am asking myself to shift where I look when I look at a person or a situation. I am asking myself to be aware of the totality of the situation, and of the whole person. I am asking myself to leave off that nagging sense of responsibility to fix the pain, and instead take responsibility for what will reflect my highest and best interests. Sometimes what I’ve called intimacy or closeness is really getting hooked into another’s weakness, believing I need to heal it.
But I have my own work to do, on myself, and so I ask, again – what if nothing is wrong?
Nothin’ wrong with that.
15 comments
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November 5, 2009 at 10:25 pm
Jake
Be here now, and if that place is peaceful in the midst of chaos, then you are blessed.
November 5, 2009 at 10:32 pm
makingspace1
Yes indeed.
November 6, 2009 at 4:04 am
big shamu
You sound surprised to arrive at this conclusion?
November 6, 2009 at 5:00 am
La Diva
If I may be so blunt: Don’t apologize or trivialize what you are going thru because of the tragedies on the news. There is always pain and suffering each and every day. That sounds like survivors guilt. Stop it.
2. You can’t save anyone but yourself. But you know this already, don’t you?
3. “Happiness comes in many directions…” many little happinesses leads to one big happiness! Take it where you can baby.
4. “But I have my own work to do, on myself, and so I ask, again – what if nothing is wrong?”
Yay! I see a BIG lightbulb above your head!!! Have a great weekend MS. Say hello to the whales and rainbows for me. Aloha!
November 6, 2009 at 5:15 am
makingspace1
Shamu – I seem to ask myself the “what if nothing is wrong” question in a different context every few months – I’m always surprised at the possibility of asking myself that question. It’s very freeing, after a lifetime of living out the childhood teachings that EVERYTHING is ALWAYS wrong – and that the whole point of being “Christian” is to save everybody. Heh.
Diva – I hadn’t thought of it that way, thanks! Yes, lightbulb moments, several of them, these days. I will, as instructed, say hello to the whales and rainbows!
November 6, 2009 at 8:01 am
troll
This. Is. Not. A. Food. Blog. Very deep thoughts.
November 6, 2009 at 8:15 am
makingspace1
No my darling Troll, who doesn’t so much read as interrogate his literature, this is not a food blog. LOL Somehow I got sucked into the world of food blogs though. This is having a most unusual effect on me. I am starting to COOK. Seriously. ME. ROFL
November 6, 2009 at 8:40 am
Evey
I love that I did (finally) get to the “nothing is wrong” conclusion but Everything is so right…or “All is Well”. And I am very attracted to someone else’s “All is Well” that is vibing in them. It makes it for a sweet spot. A spot of JOY and *that* is the point of the journey. Enjoyed the post! Grab a little *happy* today if you can…Xoxo Evey
November 6, 2009 at 7:16 pm
makingspace1
Evey I got to see a brand new baby and work with a lot of singers, so it was happy! Thanks for checkin’ in!
November 6, 2009 at 10:34 am
big shamu
Wait until you get one of those frying pan moments….you know….like somebody hits ya upside your head with black iron fry pan? Light bulbs are for wimps.
November 6, 2009 at 1:08 pm
makingspace1
Oh dear! LOL You should have been put in charge of determining what to do about the most recent Top Chef fiasco. No Mercy Shamu, that’s you! ROFL
November 7, 2009 at 4:13 am
Camlin
Don’t let world events fool you into thinking that your own tribulations are any less important by comparison. They are unique to you and deeply personal, and you are not selfish for having feelings of any kind.
I used to like saving people too. Then I realized that I was distracting myself, which helpfully prevented me from working on my own issues, becoming whole, and becoming joyful. I’m not where I want to be yet – it’s a process. But I’ve learned that yeah, it’s okay to reach out, as long as I am sure of my intentions. Not to heal, but just to…be, and to witness.
November 7, 2009 at 6:17 am
makingspace1
Yeah I think the distraction element is there for me too. If I’m focused on some crisis somewhere then I don’t “have” to focus on my own self.
November 7, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Zanna
It’s a great question: What if nothing is wrong? And it shakes the very foundations of that religion you and I both used to be part of. It’s all based on things being wrong and needing to be saved from that. In that world view we can never be good enough, ever. And now you are entertaining the possibility that nothing is wrong and that you (and all of us) are already just fine the way we are (and free to change how we choose). It’s a really big deal.
I love what you said about looking at people differently, and not being attracted to their woundedness and pain. That really resonates with me.
November 7, 2009 at 3:42 pm
makingspace1
Nice to see you here, Zanna! Yes, it’s so true that how we were raised hooks us into seeing and trying to fix other people’s pain. And how we live now asks us to see and appreciate their wholeness. That also calls for a level of personal responsibility where I ask “what if nothing is wrong with ME?” At the end of the day this may be the most challenging version of the question. But also the most rewarding…